I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
