So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you would pick up someone in the library
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
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the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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