my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
