there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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