So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
