Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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