Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
