Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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