I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
