I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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