Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
