Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
