i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
