He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
