I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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