yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
