5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
