Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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