your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
