You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
