how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
