i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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