I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize