i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
