I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
