every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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