This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
