just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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