margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
