the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
