Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
