I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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