I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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