i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
