the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
