well I can't set my house on fire every night
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
ok first of all what the fuck
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
