Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.