A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.