One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I need a beard to bite.