I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
