Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.