When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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