So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
