i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
