Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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