I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
