Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
