hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
