dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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