coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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