I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
