there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
