He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
