Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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