i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
