My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
