I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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