This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
