hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
