so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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