Everything about him screamed your future.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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