i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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