I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i think i have two assholes
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
