Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
