this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
