I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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