Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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