Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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