Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
