Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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