I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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