He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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