Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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