I got chris browned last night
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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